Challenging events in our personal lives - big or small - can impact our mental health and our ability to teach/support the children in our schools. Creating a culture of support is, therefore, crucial for staff morale and retention. But what does that culture even look like? It all starts with conversations.

Extreme people-pleasing

In May 2009, I suffered a miscarriage. Already a mum to a 14-month-old, it wasn’t a planned pregnancy but a rather delightful surprise. So when I lost the baby shortly before our first scan, the grief was overwhelming. 

As I lay in my hospital bed, my thoughts turned to my teaching job. I’m naturally a people pleaser, so I was worried about phoning in sick and causing stress and extra work for the deputy head. Quite ludicrous now that I think about it. 

So, instead of staying off work for a few days to recover, I returned the following day and continued as though I hadn’t just suffered a life-altering event like losing a baby. Although SLT knew what had happened, no one spoke to me about it or checked in on me. Frankly, if you were in the building, you were there to crack on. 

Grief had other ideas, though. And over the coming weeks and months, I felt such a sense of loss and guilt. Luckily I sought help and went to a counsellor who helped me process it all. It’s only recently that I’ve reflected on the experience and realised, almost fourteen years on, that I would approach everything differently.

But that’s my reflection on my behaviour. With a growth mindset hat on, I could have done things differently. I could have stopped the extreme people-pleasing. But what about the school culture? What about the responsibility of taking care of staff and promoting a supportive environment?

Supportive cultures

Understanding workplace mental health and wellbeing has progressed a lot since my experience in 2009. But a supportive culture still isn’t universal in schools.

A report by Education Support in 2021 found that “82% of teachers currently describe themselves as stressed from working, with over four in ten (46%) saying that pressures on their mental health and wellbeing have caused them to consider leaving the profession in this academic year.” 

And that stress from work. Add in personal stress, and things get messy.

Teachers are humans, not robots. So naturally, difficult personal events will overlap with their working life. It’s not a case of compartmentalising grief, stress etc., from a personal event and not letting it affect you at school. 

It’s about schools supporting their teachers and support staff when these things occur. And that has to come from the very top. 

So what can senior leaders do? How can school culture be improved?

Conversation matters

When I think back to the days immediately after losing our baby, it would have made all the difference for a senior leader to check in on me. To talk to me. To listen. 

For someone to have said, “You need time to process this, so please don’t return immediately”, or “Are you getting help? Here are some people you could talk to.”

You see, no matter how you feel — good or bad — it helps to put your feelings into words. 

Talking about feelings can help you feel close to people who care. It can help you feel better when you're sad or scared. It also enables you to use self-control when you feel mad or upset. 

Studies have shown that simply talking about our problems and sharing our negative emotions with someone we trust can be profoundly healing - reducing stress, strengthening our immune system, and reducing physical and emotional distress.

A talking culture is imperative, then. With it comes everything else. Here are some great tips to help school leaders manage these conversations:

1. Be understanding: Offer flexibility with workload and deadlines, as they may need time off or a reduced schedule.
2. Encourage them to take care of themselves: Let them know that it's okay to take time for themselves and that self-care is essential.
3. Provide a supportive environment: Create a safe space for them to discuss their situation and encourage open communication.
4. Offer resources: Provide information about support groups or counselling services that may be helpful.
5. Respect their privacy: Allow the individual to share as much or as little information as they feel comfortable with.
6. Be patient: Stress - particularly from something like grief - can impact a person's productivity, so it's important to be patient and understanding during this difficult time.

So get your school talking! Talk about the big stuff and the little stuff. Talk about the happy things and the not-so-happy things. Talk about the importance of talking too. That way, people know where they stand and, most importantly, know that you care.

If you want us to support your leadership team with developing a talking, supportive culture in your school, contact our Doug - This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. - he’d be more than happy to help.